Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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