Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize