At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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