and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
