i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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