why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
