i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize