Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize