The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
