Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
