there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
