May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
