Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
the liver wants what the liver wants
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
