Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
