apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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