There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wish my penis had a tongue
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
