My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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