Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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