i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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