im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
