this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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