Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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