how can u be prego again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
