Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
