Your tits are I can't wait for
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
