oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize