Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
