i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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