im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
