while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
