I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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