Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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