if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Randomize
