I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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