They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
