We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
