I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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