47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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