a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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