I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
