her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
