So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
