I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
