Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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