i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
