got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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