Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
