glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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