When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
