You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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