Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
