Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
