I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
