Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
