He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
