My first STD was from a foam party
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
