Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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