If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
