smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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