and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
