just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
