what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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