I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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