real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
