girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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