she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
