I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
