Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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