just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
