apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
