Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
