In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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