??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And then my night got REAL pukey
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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