I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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