no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We got so high we made milksteak
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
