Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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