My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
