Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
