A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
