I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
