I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
