when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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