He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
