please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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