Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
