Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize