My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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