Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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