ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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