she smelled like a LAN party
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
