haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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