At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
