I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
