Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize