i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
