I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
