So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
