All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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