yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
