a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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