If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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