Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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