it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
