dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
