Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
