Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
