Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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