If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
