party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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