my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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