I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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