I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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