between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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