have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
