Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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