i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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