My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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