my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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