You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
