He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
