Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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