your thong is hanging out like whoa
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
